[lore] Lore Submission

[James French]

Dr Murphy
(Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the UCC)

I have discovered that there are four ways of doing things: the right
way, the wrong way and then two variants on the UCC way. The first
variant involves at least three iterations of the 'wrong' way before
finally arriving at a working product (see the mail server project). The
second variant is usually some form of the right way but with obscure
additional operating requirements also satisfied.

It is not by coincidence that large quantities of the UCC network are
held together with glue and chewing gum. Indeed large parts of the
clubroom are made with the same proven techniques. Who could forget the
air conditioning duct made with computer cases, mice pads, anti static
bags and large quantities of sticky tape. It takes years of careful
planning and design to achieve the Zen that is UCC. Recently, however,
there has been a shift towards making things slightly more reliable
which is a scary new concept. Thanks to the JENeral Early Notification
system, we now know almost instantaneously when the piece of damp string
that connects us to the world dries out.

In general, UCCans have a tendency to want to 'fix' everything they
touch. The motto of a lot of members is, if it's broken, fix it, if it
works, make it better. Of course this is sometimes superseded by the 'if
I broke it, someone else can fix it' motto. Thankfully, however, most
UCCans are in the habit of leaving warnings about dodgy hardware for
other members to find. Unfortunately, the warning labels are often
cryptic. As an example, the DECServer labelled 'Do NOT plug this in
without distribution box keys' raised more questions than it answered.
Thankfully though, everyone heeded the warning - restarting every
machine in the machine room a third time would have been less amusing
than the first two times.

Given the tinkering nature of the UCC, I'll leave you now with five
simple ways to ensure long life around the clubroom:
1. Never put your hand somewhere you can't see
2. When accidentally brushing a 90V rail, screaming like a little girl
will save you
4. Don't set yourself on fire
3. Avoid repeatedly crying 'James, Fix it' for long periods of time
5. Don't meddle in the affairs of wheel because they are surly and quick
to anger